I remember laughing at my mom when she spoke about “Hot Flashes” and “Hormonal Stuff,” when I was younger. I thought she was suffering from old people problems and it was nothing I needed to worry about, since getting old was a million years away.
Well crap… Guess what?
I got old!
Turning 40 was a big deal for me. I felt good, I looked good, I thought I was aging like fine wine. Then I turned 42 and my body decided to crap out.
First was the Thyroidectomy in 2012. Losing your thyroid gland is a never ending hell on your body, mind and soul. You have mood swings, weight gain, hair loss, hot flashes, anxiety, memory loss, dry skin ..etc. The list just goes on and on. There’s blood work every 3 months, your meds are “adjusted” and there’s a lot of talk about high and low T3’s, T4’s, reverse TSH.
You literally feel like your body has been hijacked and you will never feel like yourself again. Your kids look at you like you’re losing it while you’re asking them for the 3rd time did they do their homework, because you really can’t remember asking them at all.
It doesn’t end by the way… 5 years later and I still feel the same. I thought that was the worst thing that could happen to me in my forties until last year happened.
My body decided to screw with me once more. On the 18th of August ( my birthday) of last year I woke up with my period and it never went away. I had my period for 6 months straight and it wasn’t just spotting, it was full blown crimson wave or more like a tsunami. Six months of bleeding can take a toll on your body. I now had Anemia, I was Vitamin D deficient, there was drying of my lady parts from the use of over night pads. I was limited on going out because I bled through everything.
My first Dr. told me that my body was just adjusting to a new place and a new life. What????? Shouldn’t my body be happy if I’m happy.. this is not a happy body this is a very angry, mean, bitchy body ruining my life.
Obviously I went and got a second opinion. My new Dr. suggested I go through a few test that were a bit painful and uncomfortable. The tests discovered I had fibroids and polyps between my uterine wall and the course of action was D&C and Endometrial Ablation. YAY ME!
Great .. Now my uterus is trying to kill me.
I had the procedure done in April and I was so hopeful things would get back to semi normal, but unfortunately, they did not. The irregular bleeding is not as pronounced as it was before the procedure , but it is still annoying.
Can you imagine how fun my recent road trip was with the constant … “BABE.. I need a rest stop, I’m about to have an accident.” Ugh!
Let’s just say I wasn’t able to enjoy myself and do the things I want to do on that trip.
So this pretty much sums up my first 7 years into my 40’s… foggy brain, anxiety and mood swings, going bald and my uterus falling out.. ( my uterus isn’t falling out but it feels that way).
I’m sorry mom!
The only woman who could honestly relate with everything I am going through has been my mom. She has listened and advised me through all my crazy rants about what has been happening to me this year. Of course she couldn’t wait to tell me, “Welcome to the Old People Problem Club.”
Calling a Truce!
Instead of waging war against my body I decided to listen to what it was trying to tell me…“Victoria you are no spring chicken and things need to change if we plan to live in harmony together.”
These are a few of the changes I made to live in harmony with my body:
When I have anxiety, I take a deep breath and release it. I try and focus my mind on something soothing and peaceful. Sometimes I will repeat a comforting phrase or prayer over and over until my mind has stopped focusing on the anxiety.
I started eating better or healthier. I eat so that my body feels better after a meal. I don’t focus my meals around weight loss but more for overall wellness. There are times I might indulge in something sweet and comforting, but I believe that we need that too. When I eat a slice of pie I spent the whole day baking, this beautiful delicious smelling pie that has filled my house with warmth and good feels, I feel that I’m not only feeding my stomach but my soul with that slice.
I exercise to make my body stronger. When I can do one extra pushup or push myself bit harder it gives me a feeling of accomplishment. I’m pretty impressed with myself and how my body is doing what it’s doing at this age.
I keep my heart happy by surrounding myself with people and things I truly love. I learned a few years ago that I didn’t need many people in my life to make me happy, what I needed was the right kind of people in my life. Those who show me everyday kindness and support and many, many smiles.
I speak positive things to myself on a daily basis. I know sounds kinda weird but it works to get me motivated. It also helps when I feel pain which is often. This whole uterus thing is painful on a daily basis. I often feel this throbbing that can last a for a few minutes or hours.. so instead of running to the medicine cabinet and take some kind of quick solution, I lay down and massage the area and say things like, ” this will pass soon, you can fight through this, just breathe you got this.”
Coming to terms with what you are going through or feeling physically and mentally help dealing with it much easier. I feel now that my body doesn’t hate me, it’s just going through the motions of growing. These are just growing pains I’m going through towards my next stage in life. Can’t Wait!